had the first NDP training today.

was okay, except that we got separated from each other into different groups.

oh well. we made friends, didn't we?

neext week we will be making balloons! (((:

i don't know why, i feeling a little less high today.

is it because of the NDP training?

is it because of the hot weather?

is it because of my tiredness?

is it because of what i remembered today?

or is it because of YOU. yes, you.

i dont know.

its just that i'm suddenly feel so un-high, emo or rather sad, tired.. everything.

i dont know. this is so not me, its not how i should be feeling, its just.. not me.

today while on the train, i suddenly thought about that incident in the theatre.

i dont know why, the flashback are bringing me the creeps and, yea, i feel super disturbed by that scene. the flashback came and i just felt like vomiting everything that i have eat out, i just feel super nauseating that i cant breathe at a point in time. That's weird.

The incident already happened so many months ago, but i'm still thinking about it, strongly, deeply. Could it be this incident that make me so tired and scared?

From this incident i realized that if i were to really enter this line of job, this would one day happen to me, and i'm not sure if i'm ready to accept the fact that i'm face with this situation and i have to either face up to it or leave this whole situation and forget about my passion?

Its like, each time i think back about my theatre times, i will somehow or another recall that incident and i cant proceed on. i feel so haunted by it.

Is this a physiological thing or is it just me not letting it go?

i dont know. ARGH, so irritating.

tell me how. i really dont like the feeling of recalling it, everything that happened THAT DAY.