Its the third day of school. Year 3 semester 1. Yes, i haven't been updating. For the simplest reason, i do not have the time and am not spending much effort in this blog.
Have been going back to school almost daily during the term holiday for meetings after meetings after meetings, events after events after events. Physically and mentally draining. I really don't know why i took up so many commitments, i think i am drowning myself. Literally.
i realized the actual meaning of two face. And i have been one, honestly. I didn't think that i was actually such a person at first, but i grew to recognize myself. I admit i am two face. Yes, people ask, i admitted. I have grown accustom to having fit on this mask, to create a facade to everything for some people. Someone told me, i should never be two face to him. That strike me, who am i actually two face to?
I don't know why i am so tired these few days. School barely started. Just 3 days into the term and i am dreading school. I am dreading classes. Worst off, 6 of us were placed in a year 2 class for SQPE module. Like hell lot of communication barrier. Well, not that we are of a HUGE age gap. But still, we felt outcasted. Its like, the 6 of us in our own world, the rest of them in their world. What more, they are in a different diploma from us. Classmates aside, faci was a problem too. Her voice was too... lullaby-ish for me. It was only Problem 1 yesterday, and i was already falling asleep in class. Epic much.
Drove to school yesterday and today. Felt like a boss. I finally got the feeling of nearly getting into an accident. I think i will get into one sooner or later. Not cursing myself or what, i think i am really a reckless driver. Deep in thought about the politics happening, i nearly didn't brake in time. Nearly crash into the front car. Got a shock of my life when i had to apply E brake. Bags, laptop, all fell to the floor. That was when i found out, how bad was my skills. My dad was right, i am not a safe driver as i claim to be.
Oh well, but driving all alone, blasting music all the way, really allow me to have some quiet time for myself. Away from the noisy, the world, the politics.. everything that i dread about the world. I get the extra time to think through what is happening, and reflect on my action.
Speaking of politics, SC is a hell lot of politics. I changed. I admit i changed. I was never into politics issues. Even when i just entered SC, i never really cared about the politics that already existed, i didn't care about the hatred that they have for one another, i never cared about the internal 'fights' going on... Now i am joining them too. I start to enter the world of politics, i start to comment on other's action, start to bitch around. At least i do show attitude to the person i am bitching about, and not totally act all nonchalantly infront of them. I guess i ain't that bad after all, eh?
We have this common feeling, that we used to know so many people around campus. But this few days, because many left for internship, we felt like outcasted students. Dont know anyone, even losing our way around. I feel like a lost sheep myself. And i call myself an SC member. meh. life sucks without my usual clique, without our daily lunch bitching... Heard they are suffering out there as interns. Pity them, pity myself, for i will one of them too, soon enough.
I feel that time i really passing very fast. I am already in my 3rd year of Poly studies. Remembering the times when i just entered RP, how i dreaded coming to RP for its 'branding' name, how i grew to prefer RP's PBL method of learning, how i joined the Student Council, how i became SOH student ambassador, how i became a SOH scholar, how i became poster & cover & banner girl,... all these seems so surreal. It feels so unbelievable within 2 years, but i did it. I didn't think that i would have come this far, and i think i wouldn't have such a 'nice' profile if i didn't enter RP in the first place. Quickly, i am already a senior of the campus. Walking around campus like a boss (definitely not feeling like one).
Mummy have been asking me, why am i not dating yet? why do i not have a boyfriend?
I wondered to myself, why? And i realized that i have been neglecting myself. I havent been taking care of myself well enough. I only thought about school stuff, totally not bothering about my own self. Eye sight got worst, spine got worst, having ulcers here and there, worst of all, i sprained my right ankle again but haven't been seeing the docs. The doctor previously said that my right ankle was already damaged and that i should take extra precaution. Now that i sprained it again, it might be 'spoiled'. Because of this, i dont dare to approach the doctor for a check. I feel so screwed. Can't even do my ballet routines well, that's why i stopped. My ankle have been giving me problem since primary school, always spraining it as if it was a normal thing, till my ligaments are teared. ahhhhhhhhhh screw myself.
Screw it all, back to RJ, Quiz and evaluation.Bye!